There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
