My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
