when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
