the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
