I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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