I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
