Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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