You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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