Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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