I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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