in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
