Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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