wanna go halves on a baby?
We got so high we made milksteak
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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