so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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