so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
