but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
