Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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