im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
