After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
