He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
