Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
