I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
