Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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