Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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