It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
