Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
