I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just sucked dick on a ferry
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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