Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
