Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
