i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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