We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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