Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
