Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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