I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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