Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
