11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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