Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
