I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
