So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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