Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
someone threw a dead crab at me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
