the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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