She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
