I just cut my nipple shaving
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
