These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
