OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
