Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
