hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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