the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
