For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In other news, I just burned my penis
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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