Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
