I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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