Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
