I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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