I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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