I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
